This feels like a weird thing to say because lately “busy” seems to be something bragged about instead of something to avoid. But “busy” is a negative for me, and I’m often surprised that it isn’t for others.
Busy work is not the good kind of work, it’s something teachers might hand out to fill time and keep kids from getting into something else. As an adult who gets some say in how I spend my hours and minutes on this earth I am not looking for things to just keep me occupied so I don’t have time to get curious about or engaged in other things.
A “busy body” is one who spends all their time up in other people’s business. I don’t want to be one, and I don’t want to be around one.
A busy signal on a phone (going old school here) means I do not get to talk to the person I want to when it best fits my schedule.
I live in a city that depending on the year (yes for 2017) has the busiest airport in the world. 104 million passengers went through the Atlanta airport in 2017. As one of those passengers I’d much rather NOT be there during its busiest times.
Busy bees and busy beavers are fine industrious sorts of critters, but busy in architecture or design is excessive, not something you want your shirt or building to be.
If you invite me to something and I tell you “I’m busy”, it’s a vague excuse for not doing something I don’t really want to do. That’s also what I hear when someone tells me they are busy. A vague excuse because I’ve invited them to something they don’t really want to do. If they really wanted to, the answer would more like “Oh snap! I totally would but I think I’ll be disowned if I skip my mom’s retirement party to do this totally amazing thing with you. Do you think I could offer to have breakfast with her the next day instead?”
And the worst of all the busy? The seemingly bragging answer of “busy”, when I ask how you are. This is the one that drives me right up the wall. It’s like you are saying right away that you don’t even have time for this conversation. I used to do this. Then I realized it was a sucky answer, and I stopped.
If busy is really a negative, how do we get past it?
1. Stop using the word. Please, for me. Stop randomly announcing you are busy.
Let’s practice:
“How are you?”
“I’m great!”
That’s it. Because you are great. If you aren’t, then insert the appropriate adjective (good, sad, frazzled, overwhelmed, outstanding, etc.). There are thousands to choose from. Be creative. Later in the conversation you can explain how you’ve got limited time available because you love that your little Amy is so passionate about her underwater basket weaving and you made choices to encourage/enable that activity by being her personal chauffeur to the class that is three hours away from your home twice a week. Guess what? That’s great. It’s your decision and it gives you plenty of time with options like talking to little Amy in the car and solving all the worlds problems, listening to audio books together, or singing along with entire Broadway shows at the top of your lungs while heading down the highway.
2. Stop using the word. Yes, that is also number one, but you can’t just read one little thing and be done. This time stop using it as an excuse to other people.
Be courageous, be bold. It’s ok to just say no. You don’t actually have to explain why you are saying no, and “no, I’m too busy” isn’t actually an explanation – it’s just a generic phrase that makes you feel like you are giving an explanation. If the answer is no, let it be no (politely of course). I’m confident I’m never going to join you in that “how to be a snake handler” class, thanks for asking. If I own my “no”, that person is free to take the class without wondering if they should have taken the next class when maybe I would not have been so busy. No thanks, that’s not my jam, you have an amazing time!
I was at the start of this year asked to start doing something new. This was my exact answer:
“Maybe one day, right now I’m not in a place where I’m looking to add anything but thanks for asking!”
I worked a bit on this answer (as one has the leisure so often to do with text and e-mail being so ubiquitous) and did not just flip off an “Oh darn, I’m just too busy” because that wasn’t the truth. In hind sight I could have done better with my punctuation but I’m still happy with my answer.
3. Stop using the word. Yes, again, really I mean it. This time stop using it as an excuse for your own actions.
“I want to go to yoga, but I’m too busy.”
“I should eat at home more, but I’m too busy.”
“I’d love to go back to school, but I’m too busy.”
I’m not trying to be your new life coach here, but every time you say the word “busy” you should stop and think about what you are getting out of by giving yourself this excuse. Your day, my day, everyone’s days are filled up one choice at a time. Some choices feel less optional than others. But if you really want to do something you will make the choices to get it done.
Maybe you for real can’t get to yoga tonight, but if you want to (and you look far enough ahead on your schedule) you will find a free spot – block it out now before other decisions steal that spot. Book the class and pay for it, so you have a little skin in the game and are less likely to bail on yourself.
Maybe you can’t eat at home right now because you can’t recall the last time you went to the grocery store, but you could skip scrolling Facebook just this once and instead find a recipe you want to try and put it (and the grocery shopping) on your calendar. If you look far enough ahead on your schedule you will find a free spot – make a reservation with yourself for the best seat in your house three Tuesdays from now at 7pm. And that awesome trip to the grocery store (or scheduling the delilvery) goes on the calendar too.
Maybe you can’t go back to school right this second, but do you even know when applications are due or what is required to apply or where you want to go or what you want to study? Get specific with yourself because vague is the enemy of any sort of progress. Get specific and get small and get action. Just like in every example I could list, add a time parameter. This might look like: I’m going to start a master’s program in 3 years when little Bobby starts second grade. I’m going to apply to two local universities and one on-line program, and I’m going to research the application process. I’m going to save $100 a month towards this goal. I’m going to start taking online prep classes next month to refresh my knowledge and get into a learning groove. I’m going to be registered for my first class by the end of the month. I’m going to research where to take online classes in my field of study this week.
LEARN: If you can stop randomly announcing your busy-ness like it’s a badge of honor, stop using busy as an excuse to others, and stop using it as an excuse to yourself it’s pretty likely to make you a better person. Or at least one I’m more likely to want to be around.
